Most liked posts in thread: Joke Thread

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A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple's care.
The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."
Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, "Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"


The husband says ................................................................ "It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon

 

RCB

 

RCB

 

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Botswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub...
.
.
.
The doorman stops them and says sorry I cant let you in without a Thai.

RCB

 

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.
Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to
tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today,
and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly
horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife
has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her
red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something
was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy
could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough,
there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground!
By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him,
but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into
my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers.
Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell --
but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay.
I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge
and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly.
But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died
there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full,
and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment
building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony.
Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge.
But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me.
I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto
the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and
kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed
a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got
lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was
thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky
and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that
heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."