Joke Thread

Nothing new for Giggsey .

 

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

 

My teacher told me I'd be no good at poetry because of my dyslexia. So far I've made three jugs and a vase, so feck you Mr Roberts.

 

To whoever stole all my Microsoft programs.
I will find you……


…..you have my word.

 

Moscow man heads to the bank for some cash, but finds a long long queue. After waiting a few hours, he's had enough: "Blyat! Stupid SMO, stupid sanctions...stupid Putin. It's all his fault! I'm going to go to the Kremlin and kill him!"

Off he goes, but not long afterwards he's back at the bank.

Someone asks him: "I thought you were going to the Kremlin. Why have you returned?"

Moscow man replies: "The queue is even longer there."

* * * * *

A world leader calls Putin for a chat. After the customary pleasantries he mentions a curious dream he had the other night: "I dreamt I was in Moscow. The streets were all decorated; lots of happy people were milling about, all the shops were open and full of luxuries... It was just like the days before the war and sanctions. Neon lights and flashy billboards everywhere."

"What did the billboards say?" asks Putin.

"I don't know. I don't speak Ukrainian."

RCB

 

RCB

 

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied...
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..

..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"

 

Installed by Bradford Council.....

 

Does no one step back and consider the results of their work nowadays? Please tell me this is a photoshopped fake...



I'm reminded of those bloopers that someone once collected from church bulletins: "There will be a Little Mothers meeting after the service. For those wishing to become a Little Mother, please see the minister in his private study" and so on.

RCB

 

Park Avenue ?