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Joke Thread

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by bantam65, Aug 30, 2018.

  1. bantam65

    bantam65 Important Player
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    Just wondering if there would any interest in the creation of a joke page.
    By that , I mean real jokes and not just publishing the team sheet every week.
     
    Yorkieman likes this.
  2. king karl

    king karl Administrator
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    Whenever Ive had joke pages on forums before they end up full of naked women pictures and foul language

    Let me think :unsure::x3:
     
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  3. Hoochy-Min

    Hoochy-Min Squad Player

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    Sounds great, gotta link m8?
     
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  4. bantam65

    bantam65 Important Player
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    What's not to like?

    When does it go live?

    :p
     
  5. MallorcaBantam

    MallorcaBantam Impact Sub

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    Used to be a section on C&B with some great jokes (& no pics) Twas removed, don't think Ed had much of a sense of humour
     
  6. bantam65

    bantam65 Important Player
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    I think I asked for that one too.
     
  7. MallorcaBantam

    MallorcaBantam Impact Sub

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    I miss it as a relief from the depression of being a City supporter
     
    bantamlad92 and Yorkieman like this.
  8. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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    The Closet.

    A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.

    Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

    The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

    The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

    Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'

    Man - 'That's nice.'

    Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

    Man - 'No, thanks.'

    Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

    Man - 'OK, how much?'

    Boy - £150'

    A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

    Boy - 'Dark in here.'

    Man - 'Yes, it is.'

    Boy - 'I have sand wedge.'

    The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'

    Boy - £350'

    Man - 'Sold..'

    A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice. The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.'

    The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?'

    Boy - £500.'

    The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.'

    They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

    The boy says, 'Dark in here.'

    The priest says, 'Don't start that shit with me again. You're in my closet now!'
     
  9. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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    I was standing at the bar at the Royal British Legion Club one night, minding my own business.

    This quite hefty, very plain looking woman came up behind me, grabbed my backside and said, "You are very cute. Do you have a phone number?"

    I said, "Yes, do you have a pen?"

    She said, "Yes, I’ve got a pen".

    I said, "Then you better get back into it before the farmer misses you."




    **********

    I went to the chemist and told the girl behind the counter, "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

    Lady assistant: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

    I said "No... She's pretty good looking....."



    ***********


    I was talking to a young woman in the RBL last night.

    She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

    I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there, instead of you."



    **********

    I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born, just by feeling her breasts.

    "Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

    After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

    I said, "Yesterday."


    *********


    I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

    The attendant shouted at me so loudly, through a loud hailer - I nearly fell off the top board.



    **********

    I went to our RBL last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

    I said, "Good legs."

    The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

    I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
     
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  10. bantam65

    bantam65 Important Player
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    My deepest apologies to all the board for even suggesting tge idea of a joke page. Without my input... we wouldn't have kick started Bronco and his shit joke generator.

    TAXI FOR BRONCO!!!!!!
     
    #10 bantam65, Sep 4, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2018
    Bronco, Dennis and Klaatu like this.
  11. net blaster

    net blaster Fringe Player

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    The only 16 stone man to ride a Derby Winner,"Lester Piggots Cell Mate".
     
  12. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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    upload_2018-9-5_19-27-52.gif
     
  13. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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    I can only offer my thanks @bantam65@bantam65, I'm on the ball now.
     
  14. bantam65

    bantam65 Important Player
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    Oooooh.... goody.
    :confused:



    ;)
     
  15. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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    Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
    The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?”
    “Eight”, the boy replied.
    The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
    The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
    "Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
    "Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those”
     
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  16. Utters0

    Utters0 Emergency Backup

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  17. Tony Wilkinson

    Tony Wilkinson Squad Player
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    Interested Bystander and Utters0 like this.
  18. Storck

    Storck Regular Starter

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  19. Tony Wilkinson

    Tony Wilkinson Squad Player
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  20. Craven Cottager

    Craven Cottager Squad Player

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    Will someone throw @Bronco@Bronco a fish?
     

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