Joke Thread

HANCOCK SHOCK
KANGAROO PASSES FIRST JUNGLE TRIAL

 

I came out of Aldi earlier and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She’d lost all her holiday money that she’d been saving for months. I felt so sorry for her i gave her £50.
❤
I don’t usually do that kind of thing but I’d just found £2000 in the car park.

 

8 yr old child: "I feel like you're always making up rules & stuff."

Mum: "Like what?"

8 YOC: "Like if we don't tidy up our room a portal will open and take us to another dimension."

M: "Well, that's what happened to your older brother."

8 YOC: "What older brother?"

M: "Exactly!"

* * * * *

Elderly couple are shopping in Iceland. He gets a bit out of puff so she tells him to go and sit by the tills whilst she finds something for pudding. She gets to the pudding section and finds herself also running out of puff. A chap wearing a fur cloak and horned helmet asks her in a strange accent if she's okay. "Oh," she says, "if only I could get down this aisle and chose a few puddings for the week I could go to the till, pay and we could drive home but I'm out of whack."

"Not to worry. I'll piggy-back you. Take your time; choose what you want."

So the strange bloke does just this and the old girl, suitably recovered, prepares to walk to the till and cash out. She turns to the mysterious figure and says, "What are you? What is your name?"

"My name is not important. I am a Viking, is all you need to know."

He turns and disappears into the mists of veg' aisle.

She gets to the checkout and her husband asks, "What took so long? Where have you been?"

And she says:
.
.
.
(wait for it, wait for it)
.
.
.
"I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name..."

RCB

 

Tony you might want to advise your mate Stefan to clear his gallery at the bottom of screen before he takes a screenshot

 

Cheers, don't know him though, just sent to me from someone else, but I know what you mean ..

 

yes I thought as much but couldn't let it go

 

Sorted...

 

I got an email explaining how to read maps backwards.
It was spam.

 

How efficient are Germany! Already got their seats reserved on tomorrow's plane home!