Joke Thread

I just finished building a model of mount everest.
My mate said, is it to scale?
I said no, just to look at.

 

Meanwhile, thinking inside the box, the cat is making plans:


RCB

 

What do we need more -- a video of a classic rock song on the music thread, or some toilet humour connected with that song here?

Toilet humour it is!

Off to the clinic yesterday for the annual exam to check that a condition that was essentially cured almost 20 years ago has remained cured. The clinic had their radio tuned to a classic rock station, and as I am in the exam room, with the gastroenterologist about to stick a camera up where no camera should go, guess what song comes on the radio:

CCR: Bad Moon Rising!

We both thought it somewhat inappropriate.

RCB (passed fit for another year)

 

A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband’s lack of interest in s*x.

She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their relationship and finally decided to purchase some crotch-less underwear she had seen in a lingerie shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned the crotch-less undies, and a slinky negligee.

She then strolled between her husband and the television, and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.

‘Want some of this?’ she purred.

‘Are you kidding?’ he replied.

“Look what it did to your underwear”

 

A 70-year-old retired Military officer had one hobby – he loved to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.‘ he looked around and couldn’t see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.‘

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The retd officer said, ‘Are you talking to me The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride The retired officer looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.

The frog said, ‘What, are you nuts ? Didn’t you hear what I said ?’ I said, ‘Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.‘

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said Nah. At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.’

 

Ok it took me a while but very good

 

Most of us on here are the right age to get that

 

Russian Advent calendar: open a window, and an oligarch falls out.

RCB

 

Two cats had a swimming race.

There was an English one called “one, two three” vs the French one called “Un, deux, trois”.

The English won easily because Un Deux Trois Cat Sank!!!!!!

 

Just eaten a new curry called a Chicken Tarka.

It’s very similar to a Chicken Tikka, just a little otter!!!