Joke Thread

A man was found guilty this week of overusing the comma.



The judge warned him that he could be looking at a long sentence!

 

I've joined a self help group for people who talk too much. It's called on and on anon.

 

We have an aviary in our back garden

lately we have had to start playing 80's music to sooth our bird of preys ego

You see

Our Kestrel Manoeuvres in the Dark




Just broke two of my dad’s old Queen records!

Now I want to break three.




People thought that Tina Turner had moved into my spare room last weekend but she was simply the guest…




I’m putting back together my band called ‘Bubble Wrap’.

All we do is pop…




Neil Diamond makes the same healthy smoothie every morning…

Swede, carrots, lime…

 

Legend has it that Fred Astaire opened the oven door once and his treacle sponge exploded…

He had pudding on his top hat, pudding on his white tie and pudding on his tails…



My laptop’s crashed again, It keeps playing ‘Chasing Pavements’ on a loop. Think it’s a Dell.




Q: How come U2 still haven’t found what they’re looking for? A: Because the streets have no names.



"I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up. That's me in the Korma"



Worst present ever: a Bonnie Tyler sat nav. Keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart.