Joke Thread

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he accidentally knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table.* *The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"* *The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Ever since we had an efficiency expert out, he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."* *The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"* *The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to get my penis out, go, and return to work. Since I don't actually touch myself, there's no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."* *"Wait a minute," said the diner. "How do you get your penis back in your pants???"* *"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon!!"

 

What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?





A shoe

 

I met a dyslexic Yorkshireman today.




He was wearing a cat flap.