Joke Thread

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship, unfortunately, sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with utter hatred but did not say a word. This went on for a day, then 2 days and then 3 days. Finally, on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said "OK, I give up. Where did you put the ship?"

RCB

 

I've got a date with a woman who identifies as a wheelie bin, but I can't remember if i'm taking her out Tuesday or Wednesday

 

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/pkJ8k147L9U

 

BREAKING NEWS
Police in bradford last night pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find the car taxed M.O.T. tested and insured.
It wasn't stolen and there were no stolen goods or drugs found.
The driver was sober.
He had a full license and no points.
A police spokesman said they had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time.