Joke Thread

I was sitting on the side of the bed last night pulling off my boxers

And the wife said 'you spoil those dogs'

 

An American photographer on vacation was inside a church in Oldham taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Manchester... There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Oldham and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God. 'O.K., thank you,' said the American.
He then travelled to Blackburn, Darwen, Burnley, Rochdale and Littleborough. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Lancashire decided to travel to Yorkshire to see if Yorkshiremen had the same phone. He arrived in Todmorden, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '50 pence per call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Father, I've travelled all over Lancashire and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in Lancashire the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?'

The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Yorkshire now, son. It's a local call.

 

What do we want ?

Hearing Aids !

When do we want them ?

Hearing Aids !

 

I wanted to share a joke that's been a hit at every gathering I've been to, and trust me, it's a journey but worth the ride. And if you're craving more humor after this, I've got just the place for you, but more on that later.

So, here goes:

A man walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender, used to odd sights, tries not to show his surprise but finally asks, "Where in the world did you get that?"

The frog replies, "It started as a bump on my butt, believe it or not!"

But wait, that's just the beginning. This man, intrigued by the talking frog and sensing an opportunity, decides to take it to a talent agent. The talent agent, skeptical at first, agrees to see what the frog can do. To everyone's amazement, not only can the frog talk, but it can sing and dance too!

Impressed, the talent agent books them on a variety of shows, and before long, they're the hottest act in town. Night after night, they perform to sold-out crowds, the man playing the piano while the frog sings classics and contemporary hits, even dabbling in opera. Life is good, fame is even better, and the money is best.

But as with all tales of unexpected success, things start to unravel. The frog starts showing up late to performances, its singing is off-key, and the dancing lacks its usual flair. Concerned, the man asks the frog what's wrong.

The frog sighs deeply and says, "I think I'm just tired of the spotlight. I miss being a simple frog in a pond, catching flies, and doing regular frog things."

Realizing what must be done, the man takes the frog back to its pond, thanking it for the adventure of a lifetime. As they part ways, the frog turns back and says, "You know, I'll never forget this. You gave me a glimpse of the world beyond the pond. But remember, true happiness comes from being content with who you are and where you belong."

And with that, the frog hopped away, leaving the man standing by the pond, reflecting on the journey they had shared. It was then he realized, the greatest adventures are often those we never expected to find.

Happy chuckling, everyone!

 

I t

I think you forgot the punch line

 

I think he got the powder line though.