Joke Thread

Fight....................

 

Well I thought it was funny.

Also like Andy Fraser!!

 

It's not Andy Fraser mate it's Paul Kossoff.

 

Always mixed them up. I only saw them three times. A mate of mine saw them 23 times.

 

Ta... We aim to please -- a phrase which is said to have appeared in a Gent's loo somewhere, sometime, completed by "you aim too, please."

There's room here for a cheap shot about City currently neither aiming nor pleasing, isn't there?

RCB

 

BIOLOGY EXAM
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of mother's milk.'
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an 'A'

 

Paul Pogba's greatest highlights since joining Manchester United.

 

The news interviewed an 80-year-old lady who had just gotten married for the 4th time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
“Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, later on a preacher when in her 60’s, and now in her 80’s, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

 

In Morrison's petrol station to fill our car up, I noticed 2 police were watching a woman who was smoking while filling her car up.
I thought, is she stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing right there?, I minded my own business, filled up the car and went to pay, I heard someone screaming in the background were talking violent death screams !'
I looked round and saw that this woman's arm was on fire, she was swinging her arm, running around and going nuts as I got back to the car, the police had the woman on the ground and were putting the fire out, they then put her in handcuffs and put her in the police car.
I was a bit shocked and couldn't believe they arrested her surely she ought to be in an ambulance and not a police car, being nosy I asked the policeman why they were arresting her, he looked at me, dead serious, and said,














"WAVING A FIRE ARM”!!

 

I wasn`t allowed to say anything to start with, but I volunteered for the vaccine trials for Covid-19, held at a the BRI
The vaccine is the one that has been developed in Russia. I received my first jab yesterday at 12pm and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши. чувствую себя немного странно.

 

At Bobby Ball's funeral...

One of the funeral directors swears that when they sealed the coffin, they heard a voice say, "You`ve got me skin!

 

If all the cars in Bradford were placed end to end on the M1, there'd still be a nobhead in an Audi trying to overtake them all.

 

Have you got the German make of car wrong ?.

 

Maybe a BMW or VW, but as you know mate, Merc drivers are perfect