Joke Thread

I couldn't start my car yesterday, and when I opened the bonnet I found a bat sitting on the engine.
It said "My word, you're a handsome young man, and don't you dress well - very stylish."
I knew at once what the problem was ............................................................. bat flattery.

 

Julius Caesar is feeling the need to conquer something, and in a rousing speech to the Senate says that he and his army will march out and conquer Gaul. Brutus is not impressed: "Bluff and bluster!"
But off Caesar goes, and in due course returns, to announce to cheering Romans that he has indeed conquered Gaul, and killed 50,000 Gauls in the bargain. Brutus is disbelieving: "I must go to Gaul myself and check this out."
Off he goes, carries out his investigations, and returns to Rome, where he confronts Caesar:

"You lying homunculus! You never killed 50,000 Gauls, only 25,000!"

Caesar looks at Brutus, and says: "Aren't you forgetting something? Everybody knows that...
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wait for it, wait for it
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...in Europe, away Gauls count double!"

RCB