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Joke Thread

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by bantam65, Aug 30, 2018.

  1. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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    Joke of a tackle.
     
  2. Tony Wilkinson

    Tony Wilkinson Squad Player
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    He got the ball...indeed both of 'em !!
     
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  3. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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    I cant remember tackles like that during my Sunday football day, he nearly cripples the guy then wants to fight every member of the opposition, what a divi.
     
  4. River_City_Bantam

    River_City_Bantam Squad Player
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    A Dutchman walks into a pet shop in Amsterdam and tells the owner that he'd like to buy a cat.

    "Of course, sir, we have lots of cats, what breed are you after? We have pedigree cats and mongrels."
    "Pedigree cats? I didn't know there were any pedigree cats in Holland."
    "Oh yes, we have for instance the Groningen Ginger, the Friesian Short Hair, the Delft Blue and many more. These are quite rare now though, because of cross-breeding and so on, and pure breeds of this type are very much in demand and therefore quite expensive."
    "Oh dear", said the man, "I certainly can't afford any of those pedigree Dutch cats but I’m very keen on maintaining our national heritage as much as I can. Tell me,
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    how Dutch is that moggie in the window?”

    RCB
     
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  5. Tony Wilkinson

    Tony Wilkinson Squad Player
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    apple-crumble_med.png
     
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  6. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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  7. bantam65

    bantam65 Important Player
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  8. Tony Wilkinson

    Tony Wilkinson Squad Player
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    122144817_10208173691656124_6857201258178502122_n.jpg
     
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  9. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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  10. Tony Wilkinson

    Tony Wilkinson Squad Player
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    A cabbie picks up a Nun.
    She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
    She asks him why he is staring.
    He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to
    offend you."
    She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
    and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see
    and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing youcould say or ask that I would find offensive.
    "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
    She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
    The cab driver is very excited and says,
    "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
    "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
    The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would
    make a hooker blush.
    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
    "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
    "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,
    I'm married and I'm Jewish."
    The nun says, "That's OK.
    My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
     
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  11. Craven Cottager

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  12. Tony Wilkinson

    Tony Wilkinson Squad Player
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    A duck walks into a pub and orders a ham sandwich and a pint. The barman is astonished but serves the duck, and gradually gets into conversation with him.

    "Your owner let you out for lunch, did he?" he asks.

    "I haven't got an owner, " the duck replies, "I"m an independent duck. I'm a plasterer."

    The duck leaves, and comes back the following week for a ham sandwich and a pint. The barman says, "I've got a friend who owns a circus. He wonders if you'd like to go and work for him."

    The duck looks at him. "A circus?", he asks, "A big tent with a hole in the top?"

    " That's right. "

    "And all the workers live in caravans?"

    " You've got it. "

    "So what does he want with a plasterer?"
     
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  13. River_City_Bantam

    River_City_Bantam Squad Player
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    Daley Thompson, Tessa Sanderson and Steve Cram are all round at Seb Coe's house for tea. Steve brought the fish, Tessa brought the chips, Daley brought the mushy peas and Seb provided the salt and vinegar. Suddenly there is a knock at the door, so Seb gets up to answer.
    "Who is it?", asks everyone in unison.
    "It's Fatima wi t'bread."
    - - -
    An acquaintance and his new girlfriend were heading over to his mother's for a first meeting, when she got a flat tire. He phoned his mum and said "we'll be a bit late; my girlfriend's got a puncture." "Oh," replied his mother, "I thought you had a real one this time... "

    RCB
     
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  14. bantam65

    bantam65 Important Player
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    10/10 for the first one mate....had tears in my eyes.
     
  15. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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    Many younger members wouldnt know who the guests were.
     
  16. Tony Wilkinson

    Tony Wilkinson Squad Player
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    Being 65 or over is a minimum requirement to view/post on this board.. !!
     
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  17. bantam65

    bantam65 Important Player
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    Oi!
     
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  18. Bronco

    Bronco Star Player
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    I'm sure you'll remember the likes of

    Daley Thompson, Tessa Sanderson Steve Cram and Seb Coe.
     
  19. bantam65

    bantam65 Important Player
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    I do... but I'm not chuffin 65....;)
     
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  20. Tony Wilkinson

    Tony Wilkinson Squad Player
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    Maybe you were once...;)
     
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