Joke Thread

Dad asks his son what he learnt at school today, he says...
"Well Daddy, I learnt that Chinese people like Sony, Americans like JBL, Europeans like Pioneer and Russians like Bose"



The Dad replies....
"That's not true, son, they're just stereotypes"

 

Loved this quote....

Starmer now in serious negotiations with Spain to hand back the trophy and rent it back

 

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a ****load of firewood'

 

An aeroplane was about to crash; there were five passengers on board but only four parachutes.

The first passenger Holly Madison said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest and prettiest woman at Playboy, so Americans don't want me to die." She took the first parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger John McCain said, "I'm a senator and a decorated war hero from an elite navy unit in the United States of America." He grabbed the second pack and jumped.

The third passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am president of the United States, I am the smartest man in our country and I will make America great again." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham, said to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr Graham. There's a parachute left for you. The smartest man in America took my schoolbag."