Joke Thread

Matt Hancock was doing an annual visit to a hospital. As always, he was looking for something to beat the NHS with to show how badly run and loss making things were there.
Hancock checked all the books and then did his tour. While on the tour he turned to the ward manager and said, "I notice you buy and use a lot of bandages. What do you do with the plastic middle out of the roll?" "Good question", noted the ward manager, "we save them up and send them back to Johnson and Johnson and every once in a while, they send us a free bandage roll. We like recycle whenever possible." "Oh" he said somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went in his tour to the next ward. "What about all these coloured casts you dispense. They seem to be rather a waste of money?"
"Ah, yes", replied the ward manager realizing that Hancock was trying to trap her, "we ask that any patient wishing a coloured cast donates £1 which is far in excess of the 10p the colouring actually costs". Hancock was determined to fluster the ward manager. So on they went to the next ward. "Well, what do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?" "Here too we do not like wasting", said the manager.
"What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the government in London and about once a year, at this exact time, they send us a complete prick".

 

An old joke, relevant again:

Moscow man goes down to a newsstand, buys a paper, looks at the front page, and throws the paper away.
Next day, he does the same thing.
And the next day, and the next...
The seller finally has to ask him: "Everyday you buy a paper, look only at the front page, and discard it. Why?"
"I'm looking for an obituary."
"You idiot! They're not on the front page."
"Oh, this one will be."

RCB

 

Mix yourself a martini or two, put on your best Dean Martin voice, and sing along...

When an eel has a maw with a pharyngeal jaw that's a moray,
When the jaws open wide and there's more jaws inside that's a moray,
When it sulks in a reef and has two sets of teeth that's a moray,
When an eel bites your thigh and you bleed out and die that's a moray!

RCB