Joke Thread

We have something like that in Liverpool

Don't know how to do the image thing so if anyone can help


https://www.google.com/search?q=liverpool+willy+wiper&rlz=1CAZJXP_enGB861&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=eJ_6T3Ta2lwtVM%252CnFtQCedIFI0-lM%252C_&vet=1&usg=K_2ITuiavJxunxAVdSyW-tHRe4nwg%3D&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiEyrvdl8HwAhV9EWMBHXENCNMQuqIBMBN6BAgfEAM&biw=1536&bih=714&dpr=1.25

 

Thank You

 

https://bantamtalk.com/index.php?threads/joke-thread.1026/page-19#post-476948

 

Opsssss, it is funny both times sort of what you'd expect from football's of today.

 

plagiarist..!!

 

Labour scratching their heads wondering why they can't connect with the working man.

 

I can live with that I've been called worse.

 

A man walks along a pavement and he sees a very old man sitting on the pavement looking very sad.
"Why are you sitting there looking so sad?" he asks.
"I'm 92," says the old man, "and I've married a girl aged 21"
"She likes to make love twice before breakfast, once before lunch, twice after tea, once before supper and twice at bedtime."
"So why are you so sad?" says the man.
The old man looks st him sadly and says, "I can't remember where I live"

 

A London lawyer and a Yorkshire man are sitting next to each other on a
long flight to Leeds.
The lawyer is thinking that Yorkshire men are all 'cloth cap and clogs'
and that he can fool them easily...
So the lawyer asks if the Yorkshire man would like to play a fun game.
The Yorkshire man is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely
declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a
question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only £5; you
ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500.'
As may be expected, this catches the Yorkshire man's attention and to
keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth
to the moon?'
The Yorkshire man doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out
a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the Yorkshire man's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a
hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all the references he knows. He
uses the air-phone; he searches the Net and even the British Library.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
After over an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes up the
Yorkshire man and hands him £500. The Yorkshire man pockets the £500
and goes straight back to sleep.
The lawyer is going crazy not knowing the answer. He wakes the
Yorkshire man up and asks, 'Well! What goes up a hill with three legs
and comes down with four?'
The Yorkshire man reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5 and goes
back to sleep.
Don't mess with us Yorkshire folk we only talk differently

 

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Peggy will be down in a minute. So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably catch a picture show, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the milk bar, maybe walk on the beach.."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mum informed him.

"Is that so?" Fred was incredulous.

"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Some time later a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

"The TWIST, Mum, the TWIST!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The dance is called the TWIST !!!"

RCB

 

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals", he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice from heaven asked, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well", said the Voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful. Amen."

RCB

 

New bansky has appeared in Westminster