Caption Competition

And playing with these round our knees will help us fit into a Southgate England team?

 

Pfffffffffffffftttttttttttt squise me chief.

 

That bhuna we had for lunch is playing havoc with my insides.

 

Have farts got lumps?

 

Cookies gastric bands do come in handy after he's lost weight

 

Gaffer says the pitch needs fertiliser

 

Bradford City kick off their pre-season with the famous walnut cracking competition. Each player gets two nuts which must each be cracked by a different technique, though they may both be cracked simultaneously. Points are allocated according to speed of completion though bonuses are available for loudest crack, cleanest crack, most stylish crack, and crack that attracts the largest hungry bird. Highlights of the competition will be shown Saturday night on Crack of the Day, with commentary by Jimmy Cricket and P.I.Tchaikovsky.

Asked for comment, the club said this year's nuts will be the cleanest ever after the traditional pre-competition cleaning process was moved from the Kop to Woodhouse Grove swimming pool where the water is warmer. It is hoped this will eliminate a repeat of last year's controversy when several players claimed their nuts had been painfully tampered with and a man was seen on the Kop's cctv behaving oddly with a very large jalapeno in his hand.

Next week another local club are planning their annual milking competition, though completion is in doubt after a year where productive udders have been very hard to find. Udders will have a pre-match inspection by the referee 5 minutes before kick-off which club officials say will give fans plenty of time to seek help.

 

There was more than enough shit on it last season.

 

He promised us investment Clarke,it's a flaming joke no toilet facilities at training again.